


The One with the Gay Panic

by songsofnoble



Series: Thirteenth Doctor One-Shots (some are connected?) [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Gay Panic, How Do I Tag, Soft Thirteenth Doctor, Stargazing with Thirteen, Tags Are Hard, Thirteenth Doctor Era, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, gay panic initiated, just soft pining, reader is a gay mess, reader is a lovesick puppy, thirteen is an oblivious baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:08:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26140867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songsofnoble/pseuds/songsofnoble
Summary: "I ─" you began, pausing as you tried to piece together the best way to word what you wanted to say. Anything other than blurting out something stupid (like I love you)."Hm?" The Doctor turned towards you, cocking her head.You frowned, "I never . . . I never thanked you for today ─ you know, saving my ass. For the millionth time, probably."The Doctor laughed gently, and you felt yourself melt again. She turned towards you, her gaze soft."I'm just glad you aren't dead. There's no good in a universe without Y/N L/N."
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair, Thirteenth Doctor/Reader, thirteenth
Series: Thirteenth Doctor One-Shots (some are connected?) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898230
Kudos: 39





	The One with the Gay Panic

You couldn't sleep.

The excitement of the day had had you tossing and turning, unable to focus on anything that might help. You had almost _died_ ─ the race of aliens with a name you couldn't pronounce or remember for the life of you hadn't taken too kindly to your Earthly-humour and didn't seem to have much of a sense of one themselves, and they took offense to a joke you had told their Queen, and sentenced you to death.

Bit extreme, in your opinion, but maybe you should have just kept your big mouth shut. Cultural differences, and all that.

The Doctor, bless her, tried her hardest to sweet-talk the Queen whom she had a past with into accepting your apology, but the Queen was, unfortunately, not interested in the Doctor now that she was a woman (You were still a bit confused by that detail, the Doctor never really explained that bit. You'd assumed, along with Ryan, Graham and Yaz, that she was joking) and her sweet-talk was less than appreciated.

Of course, a jail-break ensued and another enemy for The Doctor was inevitable.

Your inability to sleep had led you here, sat with your feet hanging out of the TARDIS door, staring into the glittering abyss of space.

God, life had changed so drastically in the span of a few months.

You had found a second family in the Doctor and your friends, and you couldn't count all the beautiful, ethereal things you had seen and explored with them ─ the planets and the people you had helped save ─ on both hands.

You rubbed your wrists, wincing. They were still chafed raw from the chains that had been clasped around them for however-many-hours.

"I thought I told you to leave those alone."

You jumped, lurching forward ─ a mistake, you soon realised, considering you were sat on a ledge that would involve certain death if you fell any further than the air fields that surrounded the TARDIS ─ "Y/N!"

You felt a sharp tug on the hood of your dressing gown, gasping in surprise as you were pulled away from the doorway, sliding backwards a few inches to safety.

You sat for a moment, stunned into silence.

"Sorry," The Doctor chuckled breathlessly, sitting down cross legged beside you. "didn't mean to scare you."

"I-It's fine."

In your peripheral vision, The Doctor frowned suddenly, tilting her head. "What are you doing up?"

You tugged your dressing gown around you tighter, hugging your arms gently as you shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."

The Doctor hummed in what you assumed was agreement. "Me neither. It's alright, though. I don't really need it."

A beat passed.

"You're not going to ask why?" You glanced sideways at The Doctor, watching her curiously.

You couldn't help but admire how pretty she looked, the soft glow of the cosmos illuminating her features. Her short blond hair framed her face perfectly, despite being unstyled and a little scruffy, a soft smile on her face.

The Doctor suddenly seemed to notice your staring, clearing her throat awkwardly, as you quickly turned back towards the TARDIS entrance.

"Do I need to?"

"No." You answered quickly, playing with the belt of your gown nervously.

"Then I won't." The Doctor smiled at you, and you felt your face flush at the gesture. The Doctor smiled at you all the time, but lately, it had caused a different kind of feeling to emerge. Why were your insides turning to mush everytime she looked at you with that child-like glint in her eyes? That stupid, goofy smile? Why did you hyper-focus on every little detail ─ No, you were just tired. Nothing was different.

The two of you sat there in silence for a moment, basking in the starlight. You ignored how your heart was pounding.

"I ─" you began, pausing as you tried to piece together the best way to word what you wanted to say. Anything other than blurting out something stupid (like _I love you_ ).

"Hm?" The Doctor turned towards you, cocking her head.

You frowned, "I never . . . I never thanked you for today ─ you know, saving my ass. For the millionth time, probably."

The Doctor laughed gently, and you felt yourself melt again. She turned towards you, her gaze soft.

"I'm just glad you aren't dead. There's no good in a universe without Y/N L/N."

Your face flushed, heart fluttered and your breath caught in your throat. _Damn_. So much for subtle.

"Oh," You coughed, "um, thank you?"

The Doctor's stupidly pretty hazel eyes crinkled as her lips curved upwards.

All your effort to stop all these feelings that had plagued you for a few weeks now were all for naught. You were certain she knew. How could she not? She had to, what with the way you were stumbling and tumbling over your words, making a complete and utter fool of yourself.

God, you were a mess.

You weren't sure when it changed. No, in fact, you were. It was Christmas, last year ─ the one before the New Year, when Ryan's dad showed up ─ The Doctor had taken you all to a planet that celebrated a holiday that was remarkably similar to Earth's Christmas, and you'd spent most of the time laughing and sharing anecdotes with the Fam, sight-seeing, and curled up by the fireplace in the inn you had been staying at.

The Doctor had simply been laughing at Ryan and correcting him as he kept on over-exaggerating his daring escape from whatever situation he'd landed himself in on one of their endeavours, and just the way she threw her head back, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears (good tears, of course), and her dainty face embellished by the fire-light. It had hit you then, in a wave of emotions and churning insides. You remembered Yaz asking if you were alright. You had nodded, plastering a smile on your face. She'd taken that as a good enough answer.

If only she knew.

**Author's Note:**

> this was something i threw together on a whim a few months back, i think in june? i completely forgot about it andwasn't bothered enough to go through and maticulously add paragraph spaces and italics on my phone at the time, but now i am, aha, except i'm doing this on my newlaptop bc screw that, ofc. thank you sm to drkply on twitter for beta reading this! the title may stay purely bc of how fitting and relatable it is.


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